Research shows that the 'demand-withdraw' pattern is the most common way people deal with conflict in a committed relationship. This is when one partner pressures the other with their requests, criticisms and complaints and is met with avoidance or silence.

The analysis of 74 studies and 14,000 participants found that couples with this pattern experience lower relationship satisfaction, less intimacy and poorer communication. It can cause anxiety, aggression and physiological effects.

Each partner sees the other's behaviour as the start of a fight: The one who withdraws is reacting to the nagging, and the one who nags believes they have no choice as their partner doesn't respond how they want them to. Neither can see how their behaviour contributes to the unhealthy pattern.

Three things to try:

1. Be honest. Often naggers feel abandoned, and stonewallers feel inadequate. If you are a nagger, think about reducing the number of requests you make a day. If you're a stonewaller, practise voicing your thoughts more often.

2. Use 'I' not 'you'. Whenever you want to talk about what your partner has or hasn't done. Mention how it made you feel, rather than using accusations or hurling insults. And avoid 'you never...' or 'you always...' statements.

3. Put connection first. Disagreements are easier to sort out if you feel like you're on the same side. Pay each other a compliment, hug, make love or do something fun. It's easier to talk when you aren't attacking or avoiding each other.

Practical advice from Sarah Abell, author of "Inside Out", in a Psychology Magazine article on how to improve your love life.